How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

How to Say No Without Feeling GuiltyWeve all been approached by someone asking for a favor. It could be at work, home, or even out with friends while painting the town red. It usually happens so unexpectedly that we feel pressured and compelled to say yes, regardless of what we currently have on our plate. googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display(div-gpt-ad-1467144145037-0) ) Sometimes were happy to help. We like this person and this favor wont interfere with our lives in a significant manner. Other times, even though its notlagelage in our best interest to say yes, we do so anyway because we want to avoid feelingguilty.But why feel guilty?Before we advance to the how, lets look at the why. Its worth deconstructing why we feel guilty for saying no. Guilt is an emotion we feel when we have done something wrong. If youve truly wronged someone, guilt is an appropriate emotional reaction. But saying no is not an example of wronging someone.This person might have to seek alternati ves to your help, but its hardly harmful to their overall well-beingespecially if its a small favor. Saying no puts this person in a position where they simply have to get creative and recalibrate their direction. Besides, its highly unlikely youre this persons only hope.Another reason we feel guilty is because were nervous this person will resent us, or be angry. But this feeling is unreasonable. You need not look any further than yourself. Would you hold a grudge against someone denying you a favor? Most likely not. So, the same standard applies. All this fear of saying no is simply an emotional response to an unlikely reaction by the other party. Logically, it holds no merit.Now that weve dispelled this notion, lets take a closer look at how we can actually say no.1. Offer an alternative solutionSorry, I dont have time to help you with building your titelblatt letter, but heres a link to an article on 5 resume tips to guarantee an interview.Its quick, easy, and you offer the pers on an alternative solution. Just make sure youre doing this to help, not just because you feel guilty.2. Show empathy when saying noYou want to show this person you truly understand their problem, but it simply isnt something you can handle right now.I know you really need someone to take care of your dog while youre on vacation, and you worry he wont get enough exercise, but my job really just takes up too much of my time right now.Empathy is what connects us as human beings, so its important to convey this on some level.3. Blame your responsibilitiesAs mentioned in the previous example, work is always a good excuse. In fact, very often its the truth. We all work a lot so its definitely not a stretch and it most likely wont raise any eyebrows.4. Turn it into a complimentSpin this into an opportunity to flatter the requester. Everyone loves a good ego boost.Im surprised youre asking me for help on this, I personally think you have far better taste than I do, but Im very flattered th at youre giving me the opportunity to help you.And thats when you drop the no bomb on them. Psychologically, youre softening the blow while bolstering their ego. Its a win-win.5. Say no without apologizingSaying thank you instead of sorry makes a world of difference. Do not apologize or say sorrythat will onlymakethe requester think youre either lying or you feel guiltyespecially if you keep emphasizing how sorry you are.If you say no in a positive manner, that will make it more likely that the requester will leave the interaction feeling positive and upbeat.So there ya have it. Make sure your no is quick and concise. Dont drag your answer out for too long, otherwise it will make you look bad. Its important to say no every now and again because sometimes we truly need the time for ourselves. Theres nothing wrong with that. Well conserve energy and time, and hopefully be able to help the next time around.SourceBusinessInsider

Why Good Employees Leave

Why Good Employees Leave I still remember the day I walked into my first big, corporate job. I welches filled with a sense of optimism and opportunity, and I was so excited to be part of a company where so many people wouldkill to work. Everyone around me buzzed with the same enthusiasm, and we all fed off of each others energy. I felt lucky, accomplished, and ready to take on the world.A few months into my new job, however, I was unexpectedly hit with a dreaded word that I came to know well over the coming years reorganization. This particular reorganization involved some major changes that radically shifted the culture of my company. Before I knew it, some of my smartest and most talented co-workers were walking out the door. Over the coming months, it felt like there was a revolving door of talent. It was frustrating and demoralizing. Eventually, I, too, walked away.This story probably sounds familiar to a lot of people. While at one point in time it was customary for people to st ay with their companies for life, today people are much mora likely to seek out greener pastures if their employers are bedrngnis meeting their needs. An over-abundance of turnover can be prevented, though, if company leadership makes the effort to prioritize workers needs and, therefore, their job satisfaction. The best place to abflug? Understanding what has historically led to a high turnover rate at other companies.Below, here are six common reasons good employees leave their jobs. 1. They dont get recognized for good work.When I put my heart and soul into my work, I do so primarily for a sense of personal fulfillment. But that doesnt mean that I dont also need validation and recognition from my boss for my efforts. Employees who feel that their work is valued are more likely to stay in their jobs, while those who feel that they are being underappreciated are much more likely to jump ship. Employers can recognize good work in different ways verbal praise, public recognition, or a raise or bonus.2. They are burned out.Every manager loves a hard worker someone who is willing to roll up their sleeves and get things done. But, often, managers make the mistake of overworking their strong talent, wanting them to produce more and more.Research has shownthat when a person exceeds 50 hours of work a week, the quality of their work begins to decline. So, while its tempting to go to your star employee every time you need something done, doing so may, in fact, be counterproductive and could contribute to the reasons they feel burned out and eventually quit.3. They are not given growth opportunities.Imagine doing the same tasks over and over again without ever having the opportunity to try your hand at new challenges. Doesnt sound very exciting, does it? People are not machines, and we all want to feel that we are growing and advancing in our roles not stuck in a dead-end job without room for movement. Companies that dont provide their employees with growth opportuni ties are at risk of losing them early. Its important for managers to check in with their teams to gauge their level of engagement and for companies to map out employees career development within the company if they want them to stick around for the long haul.4. They are micromanaged.I once had a boss who I used to un-lovingly refer to as the Micromanager in Chief. She was a nice person, but she insisted on being involved in every aspect of my work. She wanted to be ccd on every e-mail, participate in all of my client calls, and give me step-by-step instructions for completing even the simplest of tasks. It was suffocating, and it didnt take long before it became too much for me to handle. Managers act as quality control for the work product of their team, so its understandable that they want to keep a close eye on what their employees are doing. But, when it gets to the point of micromanaging an employees every move, it has the effect of making employee feel like a baby who cant be trusted. The best managers understand that if you want to keep your employees, you have to trust them to do the job you hired them to do.5. The company has a toxic culture.Theres been no shortage in news recently of companies that are rife with sexual harassment, bias, and a generally toxic culture. Unsurprisingly, these companies have seen an exodus of talent. Nobody wants to walk into work every day and feel unsafe or disrespected. To avoid a toxic work environment, employers should enforce and reinforce their stated values, starting with top management. They should be transparent, responsive, and fair. To look the other way when they receive complaints of unsavory behavior, or worse, to engage in it themselves, is a sure way to lose your best employees.6. They dont have flexibility.Ah, that ever-elusive work-life balance. Technology has made it so that we can work anytime and from anywhere. The 20thcentury model of work that had people sitting at their desks from 9-5 simply isn t relevant anymore. Not to mention, the way we approach work at home is changing as well. Women have traditionally taken on most of the housework and have been the primary caregivers for their children and aging parents. But, men are increasingly doing more in the home and participating in caregiving as well. Surprisingly (or maybe not), theyreport even higher levels of work-life conflict than women. Flexibility benefits everyone, and companies that understand this will be rewarded with a more loyal and engaged workforce that will give them a competitive advantage over those who fail to adapt to the new way of working.--Natalia Marulanda is a former practicing attorney who currently works on womens initiatives at a law firm New York City. She also runs The Girl Power Code, a blog dedicated to empowering women in the workplace and in their daily lives.